


Push to Shove

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, boring job, slight angst I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 05:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: I wrote this when I was super frustrated with my job and upset because I couldn't just quit since a. I needed to pay rent and b. I wanted to use the place as a reference so I didn't waste the last 4 years of my life. But! I have since quit that job and love my job now! It gets better kids!





	Push to Shove

There are few sounds as grating as the scream of an alarm clock tearing you away from peaceful dreams. You glared daggers at it as if that would silence it and allow you to return to the warm arms wrapping tighter around your waist. You knew you couldn’t. With a groan, you pushed yourself out of bed, out of the safety of Leonard’s arms, and prepped yourself for another day in the office.

It was routine now. Get up, get coffee. Spill it on your shirt and change clothes so frantically you forget about the coffee and end up having to buy a cup on your way to work anyway. Your boss chastised you for being late, and you promised it wouldn’t happen again (though you both knew it was a lie). Then you’d get to work and start your tasks for the day, usually cleaning and filing, and, if you were lucky, you’d get a lunch break in four hours. Of course, you’d never been very lucky.

Your stomach growled as your shift turned into a double which turned into an all-nighter when your boss asked you to review some paperwork for him as he left for the day, promising you the day of tomorrow. The thought of a whole day spent in your bed was the only thing that kept you through the slog of papers on your desk but when the sun finally poked its head through your office window and your boss made his way in, he sighed and asked you to come to his office. You followed him in, wondering what about your performance he could have found flaw with, but then he poured you a cup of coffee and you braced yourself for what you knew was coming. Can you cover a shift today? Is there no one else? Well, yes but you’re the best. We’ll give you a bonus on your next paycheck. Well, I guess one more shift couldn’t hurt. I’ll still have the afternoon off. Great, thanks so much. This is why you’re the best. You smiled weakly at your boss, wishing for a moment that the bags under your eyes were as designer as the one he carried with him to work. Maybe then you could sell them for enough to be able to quit this job.

The hours blended together until finally you finished your work (your colleagues work, you reminded yourself) and made it home. Leonard wasn’t home, yet, but he’d left you a note and dinner in the fridge but you were too tired to enjoy either. You dropped your purse on the floor and flopped down onto the bed, the ache in your bones finally lessening as you sank into the mattress. Every nerve in your body fought you as you pleaded with your brain to make your arms move. You should take your shoes off. You should get undressed. It would only mean more work later if you didn’t, but maybe a quick nap couldn’t hurt….

A shrill buzzing jolted you awake. Digging the palms of your hands into your eyes, you tried to rub away the tiredness. It was a battle to open your eyelids again, and in the end you conceded, allowing yourself to fall back against the pillows as the alarm continued to screech on. You couldn’t remember how you’d gotten under the covers let alone how or when you’d put on your pajamas. And when had that stain on the ceiling been fixed? You swore it was there yesterday, or maybe last week, last month, last year? Everything seemed to blend together in your life now and the edges of your vision blurred to as your eyes fell shut again, the screeching of the alarm clock no match for the weariness in your soul.

Leonard rolled over with an exasperated sigh and all but knocked the alarm clock off your night stand. He hovered over you and brushed a lock of hair from your cheek but still you did not move. Finally, he pressed a kiss to your forehead and bade you get up before leaving bed to make breakfast. When had he gotten home? It seemed like you couldn’t remember anything anymore.

“Is everything okay,” Leonard asked, peeking out at you from the other side of the newspaper. You hummed in response, stirring your tea. “You’ve been stirring that tea for ten minutes. Not to mention you put Sriracha on your toast not jelly.”

“No I didn’t,” you scoffed, lifting the bread to smell it. You grimaced. That was definitely not jelly. You scowled and dropped the toast back on your plate, too tired to even care. You took a sip of your tea but it was cold. “You love being right, don’t you?”

Leonard knew not to take offense. You liked mornings about as much as a root canal. “I’m just worried about you, sugar. You’re working yourself too hard and what about art school? I thought you were looking to apply again.”

“No, I’m happy at work.”

“Then why are you hiding brochures in the nightstand?”

You snapped your head up, eyes wide like a deer trapped in headlights only this time the light at the end of the tunnel was Leonard and you couldn’t understand why you were so damn scared. Why did you even bother hiding them? As if the canvases and paint stains on practically every open surface of your apartment weren’t enough to clue anyone in. Maybe you didn’t want him to know because you knew Leonard would try to convince you to quit again.

You sighed, covering your face with your hands as if hiding from Leonard would help you hide from the truth in front of you. “They need me,” you whispered, though to Leonard or yourself? “I can’t just quit. They said they’d be lost without me. That I might even be up for a promotion.” You could tell by the silence that followed Leonard wasn’t convinced either.

He stood and kissed the top of your head nonetheless. “Of course they’d be lost without you. You’re the hardest worker they’ve got on staff, but even the hardest worker needs rest now and again.”

You spent the rest of the ride to work thinking about how much rest you really needed. Every cell in your body felt tired - that special kind of tired you feel from too many all-nighters. Like your life has become a stop motion film and you’re just waiting to get to that next pose, that next frame because then you’re one step closer to being done for the day. You were a puppet on a string pretending to be the puppeteer.

Work was louder than usual. The sound of keyboards clicking and computers humming drowned by laughter and commotion coming from the break room. Was it someone’s birthday already? As you entered the break room your eyes were drawn up to a banner stretched across the room like a white flag. Congratulations. So someone was getting married, you told yourself. Or pregnant. Hikaru and his husband had been trying to find a surrogate for months now. Or maybe it was a -

“Promotion,” Jim said. He’d spent enough time in desk beside across from yours to know when you were confused about something. “Turns out little Pavel over there has been busting ass while we weren’t looking, and the boss says he was the best choice when it came down to it.”

You stared at Pavel as people shook his hand and clapped him on the back. You wanted to be proud for him, but the words echoed in your mind finding the darkest corners and planting themselves there like weeds, growing over any bright thought before it even had a chance to bloom. He was the best choice. You could hear your boss saying it because he’d said the same about you not a week before. Every word was another twist of the knife and every “congratulations” made your heart feel heavier. It was a wonder it didn’t fall out of your chest and through the floor. How could they do this? Hadn’t you given enough?

Every sleepless night came rushing back to you. Every double shift you worked seemed to weigh on your joints and anchor your feet to the ground. There were so many things you could have done with your life. You could be in art school now. You could be giving lessons or painting full-time. You could be enjoying a career you love in a life you love shared with a man you love. Instead you were angry. Not just at work. At home. At Leonard. At the dog that barked outside your window at 2 a.m. At the neighbors who were moving in and hammering nails into the wall at 11 a.m. because didn’t the know you were trying to sleep? You’d always heard of looking at the past with rose-colored glasses, but your lenses seemed to be tinted red.

“Hey, you okay?” Jim nudged your arm with his to get your attention.

“I quit.”

“Tell me about it. Doesn’t matter how long we’ve been here. Pavel is young and brings ‘something new.’” Jim pulled a face hoping to draw some response from you but you said nothing. His smile faltered as you turned away from him and started towards the door. You dropped your name tag in the trash can on your way out and it was like someone had lifted a mountain off your shoulders. You didn’t even know you’d been drowning until you finally tasted air. You weren’t exactly sure what to do next. It was a big wide world out there full of opportunities for you, but, when push comes to shove, you knew Leonard would be there to support you and that alone made you feel brave enough to conquer anything that came your way.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
